Humble Lessons from Fr. Hilary D, the “Drunk Monk”

1/16/23

One of my priest friends recently told me stories about Fr. Hilary D, the “drunk monk,” who was a speaker at Alcoholics Anonymous conventions in the 1980s and 1990s.  I listened to Fr. Hilary‘s recovery story, which was pretty funny, real, and hopeful.  Fr. Hilary was a Benedictine monk from Alabama with a great southern accent, who had taken multiple courses at Benedictine College in Atchison.  Fr. Hilary is one of the first recovering clergy I’ve heard that blends together wisdom from GK Chesterton and the scriptures with the practical spirituality from the AA big book, his AA sponsors, and close recovery friends.  Here is the audio of his inspiring story, which brought me to tears - https://www.recoveryspeakers.com/fr-hilary-d-from-lillian-al-36th-mississippi-state-convention-biloxi-ms-6-19-1982/

Fr. Hilary was an accomplished theologian and educator who served in a variety of roles including being a president at a Catholic college, the vice principal at a Catholic prep school, and a pastor at multiple parishes.  He seemed quite accomplished academically and spiritually, but struggled with alcoholism, pride, isolation, resentment, lies, fear, and self-pity.  Thankfully he was sent to inpatient treatment and later began working a humble 12-step program with a good sponsor.  Some of his recovery friends later called him the “drunk monk,” which he didn’t seem to like at first, but the nickname stuck. 

2 of my favorite parts of his story were:

⁃ 37:25-40:07 - Fr. Hilary discusses his lies and deception, along with being confronted by three men from his parish about his drinking.  The men told him they were not going to report him to the bishop because they knew he could control his drinking with will power, the grace of the sacraments and prayer, which Fr. Hilary later found were not enough for addiction recovery. 

⁃ 56:41 - 59:40 - When Fr. Hilary came back from an expensive inpatient treatment center in Minnesota, he did not want to attend 12-step meetings, and remained alone for several months.  He seemed to want to recover on his own, and was hesitant to attend meeting, which I hear from many clients struggling with various addictions including alcohol, pornography, drugs, gambling, etc.

Sometimes I work with clients who initially have a hard time aligning their faith life with 12-step programs such as AA, SA and NA.  As I’ve listened to more 12-step speakers like Fr. Hilary D, Bill W, Dr. Bob S, and Clancy I, I’ve realized more that 12 step programs draw deeply from Catholic & Christian teachings.  In fact, Bill W and his friends wrote the 12-steps of Alcoholics Anonymous based on 5 simple principles from the Oxford Group, which was a Christian movement that his friend Ebby had introduced him to. Here are the 5 steps of the Oxford Group:

1. You get honest with yourself as you never were before.

2. You talk it out with somebody

3. You make restitution

4. Work with other people

5. Pray to whatever God there is

I’m grateful for Fr. Hilary’s story and his honesty.  Sometimes I work with clients who have been going to church and praying daily, listening to Christian music, going to small groups, adoration, spiritual mentors, etc, but seem frustrated when they struggle with sobriety. Often they are only going to one or two 12-step meetings per week and not working with the 12 steps with a sponsor.  A lot of the “old timers” in 12 step programs will continue to attend three to four or more meetings per week throughout their lives, and they build a joyful group of friends in recovery, and carry the message of the 12 steps to people who are new in the program.  Fr. Hilary D’s talk is a great example of the hope, joy and honesty that comes from years of humble work with 12 step groups, good sponsors, recovery friends, counselors and spiritual mentors.  If you or someone you love has struggled with addiction, I encourage you to listen and reflect on his talk!

Sam Meier, MA, LCPC