Protecting our Kids and Families from Pornography
8/28/22
Several years ago, I received a concerning phone call from a parent who attended a large suburban parish in the Kansas City area. He had been going through his 7th grade son’s phone, and discovered that there were a large amount of 7th grade boys at the parish that were sending group text messages with links to hard-core porn videos. I’ll never forget the dad’s description that pornography was “widespread and pervasive” amongst the 7th grade boys at that large parish.
My heart sunk, and I felt shocked and saddened after that phone call. I remembered some of my friends and me occasionally having access to pornographic magazines during junior high in the 1990s, but this seemed like quite a different level. Sadly, with smartphones and other devices, porn is becoming widespread in our culture, and negatively impacting both children and adults. The struggle with pornography and lust is a topic I hear often from the families, couples, and individual clients that I work with in my counseling office.
A recent survey of 14-16 year old students indicated that nearly one third of them had been exposed to pornography when they were 10 years old or younger. It seems that sometimes there can be denial among parents who attend church, thinking that their children, or their kid’s church friends don’t struggle that much with pornography. A large survey of boys at a large Midwest Catholic HS in 2016 indicated that 70% were using pornography multiple times per week or more, 57% used it mostly on smartphones, and 61% used it in their bedrooms. Female pornography use has been rising as well, and a 2018 Barna survey indicated that 48% of young women were using pornography monthly.
Parents are sometimes unaware of the harms of pornography and may believe that it’s not that big of deal. A 2010 study of behaviors in the most popular porn videos, found that 88.2% of 304 random scenes contained physical aggression. Former pornography actress, April Garris indicated that most women who enter the pornography industry quit after their first video because “the experience in so painful, horrifying, (and) humiliating for them.”
Exposure to pornography can be traumatic for children, and sometimes influences children to sexually assault others. In 2018, staff from Children’s Mercy Hospital in Kansas City indicated: “For the third year in a row, our biggest age range of people committing sexual assaults are children ages 11-15 years old ... pornography is often a main factor, and sometimes the only factor, that influenced a child to act out in a sexually harmful way.” Children’s Mercy hospital indicated that they were treating 1 to 2 children per day for sexual assault, which is quite concerning.
In my counseling work with college students and young adults, I’ve noticed that they are often unaware and surprised by the large amount of pornography performers who are victims of human trafficking, along with data on “pornography-induced erectile dysfunction.” Melissa Farley conducted a study of 854 women in 9 countries who were victims of human trafficking, and 49% of the women indicated that pornography was made of them while they were being trafficked. During past presentations to college students and high schools, young people seem surprised that roughly 1/3 of young men under 40 are now struggling with erectile dysfunction, compared to 5% of men under 40 in the 1990s, which is often due to heavy pornography use - see Porn and the Threat to Virility - Time Magazine, April 2016.
Though it is a dark time in our culture, where sin abounds, grace abounds all the more. I’m encouraged about the increasing amounts of parents, teens, college students, and young adults that are speaking out about pornography thanks to organizations like Fight the New Drug (FTND). About 6 of 7 years ago, I was giving a presentation at a local youth group, and a number of teen boys were fans of FTND, and boldly wearing FTND’s “Porn Kills Love” shirts at their high schools. I was impressed at the courage of these guys, and it was cool to see them repping FTND’s movement. FTND now has over 6 million followers on social media. They have multiple presenters, bloggers/social media staff, podcast staff, videographers, etc. They approach this topic from a research-based, brain science perspective, which is very effective. This is the same group that Dayton Moore brought in for a presentation during the 2018 spring training to all the KC Royals coaches and players.
FTND will be giving a presentation on Wednesday, September 21 st at 6:30 pm at Prince of Peace Catholic Church in Olathe for parents, teens, and anyone in the community who would like to attend. I have personally seen them present multiple times to large audiences, and they make this super relatable and cool for JH, HS and college students. They have given local presentations at Benedictine College, KU, Maur Hill, Bishop Ward HS, Rockhurst HS, and all the JH students from 7 local Catholic schools. Please come check out their presentation, and my wife and I are planning to be there with our 7th grader!
In my past work at the Archdiocese of Kansas City in KS with the My House Initiative, I gave quite a few parent presentations on internet safety. Several years ago, I put together a handout called 7 Steps to Protect Families from Pornography, which I recently updated with current resources. Feel free to share this with others. There are additional resources in the handout including the bestselling book Good Pictures Bad Pictures, which 10 Catholic churches in the Kansas City area have provided to all parents of 2nd graders. Some other popular resources are Gabb Wireless, which provides safe phones for kids, and Covenant Eyes accountability software, which is available at no cost for Benedictine College students. Please let me know if you come across other resources that would be helpful to put on here, and I keep this updated. If you would like a presentation on these topics for parents at your parish or school, please contact me to set one up. Let’s all do our part as parents to help protect our children, schools, and churches from the negative effects of pornography.
Sam Meier, MA, LCPC