Navigating Grief and Loss
10/12/24
You may have heard it said that everyone grieves differently. This is truly the case when it comes to how humans manage feelings and experiences of grief and loss. Each person grieves in their own way and on their own timeline. Because of this, it is more beneficial to talk about how to respond to different stages of grief as opposed to trying to mark our own journey on a strict timeline. Though difficult, grief is a healing process that helps us understand and work through the trauma that comes from loss.
Grief occurs as a response to losses in our lives. Losses include death of a loved one, loss of a job, the end of a relationship and even things like moving to a new place.
As people move through the grieving process, there are several experiences that they may go through. After a loss, sadness is a natural emotion to experience. Bouts of tearfulness, loss of energy, and loss of appetite are all normal during this time. It is also normal to experience shock at the loss. This can present itself as feelings of disbelief or even as a blunted emotional response. The brain may not be prepared to accept this new reality at the time of the loss. Another common experience with loss is anger. This can present as itself as anger at the situation or anger at an injustice tied to the loss.
Grieving often comes with what are called “somatic symptoms” or physical symptoms. Common physical symptoms may include but are not limited to: loss of appetite, difficulty sleeping, aches and pains, and fatigue.
Because this process is different for every person and situation, the duration of this period is as well. A typical length of time for grieving is often six months to a year or two. The symptoms described above may quiet down at that point. You may begin to find that recurrent thoughts of the loss become more infrequent. however, unresolved grief may cause the symptoms to last longer. When this occurs, it is referred to as complicated grief and can lead to long lasting symptoms.
How do I manage loss?
Immediately following a loss, your body and brain may go through a period of “survival mode” where your life becomes so busy with planning that the loss does not settle in. Once the events surrounding the loss have concluded, symptoms may begin to increase. One of the first times that we can take to activate an existing support system. This may consist of friends, family, church congregation, coworkers, or other important people in your life. It is helpful to find a person or group with which to discuss your experience of loss and grief. This helps to alleviate symptoms of loneliness and isolation, which can be common. By engaging with others, we activate a system that can be with us as we walk through the grief.
Another strategy to manage grief or complicated grief is to begin meeting with a licensed counselor. Counselors are trained in supporting people through difficult times in their life and can provide tailored strategies for managing grief that work with your specific situation. Group therapy can be an option for difficult grieving as well. Even if you don’t feel ready to share, attending a group and hearing others’ stories can provide a sense of belonging and add normalcy to the experience of loss.
Another technique that helps to manage difficulty with loss is discovering ways to give meaning to the event. This is a process that takes time, but can lead to cathartic healing during trying times. In this process, it becomes possible to shift the focus to positive memories, impact of the loved one’s life, accomplishments, the relief from suffering, or other positive themes. When we allow ourselves to respect our own process of grief while ascribing meaning to the event, we can bring balance and relief into our story. Some questions you may ask yourself during this time include: what legacy do they leave? What are the positive attributes about the person or event? How do I want to remember them? What are some of their traditions or values I can carry on?
In addition, our spiritual life can provide protection from complicated grief. Leaning into the divine meaning of life and loss can give hope of the joys to come in this life and in the next. For this reason, consulting with a spiritual director can help to frame our experience in light of God’s eternal plan for us and our loved ones.
What next?
The grieving process is a unique one based on each person and the context of their loss. Grieving is a normal part of the human experience and, by taking care of ourselves and knowing the signs and symptoms of complicated grief, we can manage our losses with compassion for ourselves and our own journey. When the grief becomes complicated and difficult, know that reaching out to a trained professional and/or a spiritual director can help to guide us towards acceptance and peace in the midst of loss. You are strong. You are resilient.
David Walter, MA, LCPC
Resources:
https://positivepsychology.com/grief-stages/
https://catholiccharitiesla.org/wp-content/uploads/Understanding-Grief-and-Loss-TS-2-04.pdf